Lent 7 ~ Entering to Occupy

Moses said to the people:
“Today I have set before you
life and prosperity, death and doom.
If you obey the commandments of the LORD, your God,
which I enjoin on you today,
loving Him, and walking in His ways,
and keeping His commandments, statutes and decrees,
you will live and grow numerous,
and the LORD, your God,
will bless you in the land you are entering to occupy.   ~  Deuteronomy 30: 15 – 16

          Last night, my daughter had her laptop open, and I caught sight of her desktop background: of wide-open spaces of lush farmlands, in gentle repose, dotted by homesteads here and there. She was amused by my interest in the picture, but she couldn’t have known why.

          I have a dream which I keep mostly hidden deep within my heart. Everything in this dream is related to the difficulties we have been enduring for years now. My dream is that someday soon, we will leave where we live now and start afresh somewhere closer to where our older kids are. A home on a wee orchard maybe, shared with the birds of the land. A space for trees and flowers and vegetables. Maybe a freshwater fishpond too. Gentle walking routes, the sounds of the winds living among old trees. Our neighbours at a distance yet close enough for late-life yet enduring friendships. A quiet yet thriving church we can truly be a part of, where daily visits to see God are finally possible.

          Although, I’ve scoured countless ads and homeownership websites, our dream land appears to be just that – a dream. The one possible location I’ve come across is well out of reach for us financially.

          Hence, when Deuteronomy 30 returned, my heart quickened to the hope they bore. I knew well that those verses speak of heaven. Still, a small voice within me asked, Will God make possible an earthly version of the promised land for us here, in what will likely be our final home?

          In answer, I found myself leaning towards hope. Mingled with hope was also the concern that my hopes could be dashed and then, I’d have to deal with the fallout from broken dreams. But despite the very real possibility that we’d never move, I still couldn’t let go. It was as if the hope gave life, gave me something to look forwards to.

          Then, a few months ago, I began an occasional prayer to St Joseph, to build us our home. That made me feel as if I’d reached some cove of safety because tucked into that prayer was a knowing that if it didn’t work out, since I’ve entrusted our future to St Joseph who has guided me so much over the years, I would ultimately be alright.

          This, for me, is the pertinent difference between hope and hope that is placed in God’s heart. By turning it over to St Joseph, if it is meant to be, God will shape the future just right for us. Perhaps there might not be a fishpond or even an orchard or something else equally dear to me but because it’s in God’s hands now, He will give us what we need and help me through any disappointment.

          But if the entire dream is not to be, entrusting into the Heart of the One who loves us means that on the day of my disappointment, God will take my hand and wipe my tears away, as He always has.

          With that comfort, I dream on.