Lent 6 ~ The Other Way

          Years ago, I was upset that some extended family members were making it very difficult for me to love them as I wished to – to cook and care for them, open my home to them. Then, one morning, exhausted from my pain and brokenness – I clearly heard Jesus’ still voice, There will be other ways to love them.

          Reluctantly, over time, I began to try to let go of my ways of wanting to love and instead, tried following the “other way” God had set out for me. I wept many tears over this other way. God’s way or not, because it was so different from what I had expected and wanted to do, because it was so different from what even society expected of me, I was riddled with guilt. Many wise people have written that when we follow God, the burdens fall from our shoulders. I have said the same myself – except that I didn’t realise that there is often a transition period – where the heart trains itself to let go of the old in order to embrace the new. Following God’s way is seldom a direct shift. We often need to make that transition over time and that time can be a difficult one, depending upon how attached to our heart’s desire we are. In my case, that was the reason why I was attacked by guilt and recrimination. Already battling depression, I sank further into the pit because I could not accept that the way I had loved was now wrong.

          One day, in nothing short of a miracle, I found myself opening up to my pastor about my doubts and struggles. This time, God spoke through this humble soul. Fr D firmly told me that the way I wished to love was undermining my marriage. In no uncertain terms, he told me that a marriage ordained by God was a sacrament and that I had a duty to my husband and children to protect that sacrament even if my other family members could not respect that. I had to learn to love these other people differently in order to defend the sacrament from their attacks.

          When I stepped out of Fr’s office, bewildered as I was, I could nevertheless feel a fresh lightness, long missing from my heart for many, many years. Knowing I was struggling to make the change, God had my wise priest help set me on the new road. I then set off tremulously enough but soon my steps became firmer as the bindings to the old ways frayed and ultimately broke. That lesson was a turning point in my life. It was a light from heaven which I slowly learned to take into other pastures of my life.

          There’s always a my-way and a God’s-way. Even in love. Especially in love, I think. I believe that God does not call us to love everyone in the same or even similar ways because some of our my-ways, though seemingly “right”, can be sinful for us – as it was in my case. Some of our my-ways can even be detrimental to others, leading them further into wrong and sin – again, as it was with me. The old my-way of loving which gave me happiness and satisfaction was also ironically, putting my extended family very at ease to continue living in sin. I didn’t see it then, but God certainly did. I might have loved my family, but God loved them – and me – much, much more, which was why He acted to remove both parties from the vicious cycle between love and sin-enabling.

          Looking back on all that I’ve learned and how life has bloomed since, I’m now in a better place of understanding that when God asks that we love others, He asks that we love as He wills it, not as we wish to.