Lent 26 ~ From A Distance

God is our refuge and our strength,
an ever-present help in distress.
Therefore we fear not, though the earth be shaken
and mountains plunge into the depths of the sea.

There is a stream whose runlets gladden the city of God,
the holy dwelling of the Most High.
God is in its midst; it shall not be disturbed;
God will help it at the break of dawn.   ~   Psalm 46: 5 – 6

          Glimpses of a rising dawn today.

          After yesterday’s troubling phone conversation, I felt St Joseph whose feast day it was, was telling me to fight fear by hoping against hope. And so, I did just that, literally. Every time, I sensed anxiety curl into the edges of my awareness, I affirmed, I hope against hope. I will trust in, Jesus.

         This morning, my heart skipped a little to see the verse, God will help it at the break of dawn in the Responsorial Psalm. I knew it was a sign to keep the faith.

          Hours later, to my utter surprise, an unexpected opening comes to be.

          From a distance, the skies catch the first golds of dawn.

Lent 25 ~ Coming Dawn

 

God will help it at the break of dawn   ~  Psalm 46: 6

          How many times has this verse from the Psalms lifted me to hope, if not joy itself. Even if it were long in coming true, it has never disappointed.

          Today, I received news that I will be getting a new boss. Naturally, given all that has happened over the years, I have good reason to be apprehensive. But strangely, not a sliver of worry steals into my heart to trouble its waters. It comes to me, that for once, I am reaching out to hope with a lightness of heart, not fear. It is as if the dawn were already within me.

          And I know it is not my doing. Something far greater is taking root within me. Something beyond me, beyond what I can strive for, beyond even what I deserve.

          Telling me, Do not fear. I am already there in your tomorrow. And where I am, the Dawn is.

 

Let Go

God is our refuge and our strength,
an ever-present help in distress.
Thus, we do not fear, though earth be shaken
and mountains quake to the depths of the sea,
Though its waters rage and foam
and mountains totter at its surging.
Streams of the river gladden the city of God,
the holy dwelling of the Most High
God is in its midst; it shall not be shaken;
God will help it at break of day.
Though nations rage and kingdoms totter,
he utters his voice and the earth melts.
The LORD of hosts is with us;
our stronghold is the God of Jacob.
Come and see the works of the LORD,
who has done fearsome deeds on earth;
Who stops wars to the ends of the earth,
breaks the bow, splinters the spear,
and burns the shields with fire;
“Be still and know that I am God!
I am exalted among the nations,
exalted on the earth.”
The LORD of hosts is with us;
our stronghold is the God of Jacob.   ~  Psalm 46

          Last night, deeply troubled again, I sought the voice of my God. I told Him my family and I had sealed our hearts to this Calvary which He has asked of us. But since the path is hard and rutted, and we are often frightened and exhausted, we needed to hear His voice. And not just metaphorically.

         I asked God to lay His voice directly inside my ears. Then, the waters still in a churn within me, I fell into troubled sleep.

          This morning, the second I opened my eyes, I heard a single line from a Jeremy Riddle song play gently in my ears,

Be still and know I am the Lord

          Returning to the source of that line, Psalm 46, I recalled anew how many times God had given me hope through the verse God will help it at the break of dawn (Psalm 46:6). Each and every time, at breaking point, He reached out and showed me a new path, and fed me for the journey.

          I am tired, Lord, I whisper. Tired of fighting, tired of being frightened. Tired of the endless days of nights.

          Psalm 46 tells me to continue trusting – but today, I just cannot. I do not mistrust God –  I am still holding on to the Cross – but in a way I cannot explain, I am also so very tired and worn out. The secret, inner bubbling of joy I felt a few days back is gone. In its place, a cache of grit and sand and tears.

          Idly, I seek out the lyrics to the Jeremy Riddle song. And there I see the line,

And let go, let go of your worries

          As my heart took in the words, I remembered something else. 22 years ago, on a severely dark night, I gave up hope on life and begged God to take me. That night, Jesus appeared to me. And He told me,

Let go, relax

Let go, relax

Let go, relax

          They were simple words – and certainly not what I thought I’d hear directly from Jesus. But as it turned out, they were exactly what I needed 22 years ago. And in a little weave of a way, they were brought back to me today, 22 years later, this still Sunday morn where the happy winds of past days no longer dance and hardly a note of birdsong is to be heard.

Let go, relax

          I knew what Jesus was telling me. Given the hard days here, worries and fears had accumulated, as they would, naturally, causing a churning within me. My worries and fears were standing between me and the stillness I sought and which God wanted for me as well. Jesus now wanted me to let go of my burdens to Him so that nothing remained between Him and me.

Let go, relax

          And so I begin.

When All Seems Lost

 

…a great unraveling will soon spread throughout the world and everyone will be tested…

          At the beginning of the year, someone heard Jesus speak those words to her. I see it being fulfilled in my country now, before my very eyes. Everything we have built up over the years being torn down, one by one. Every structure, every single pillar of decency and integrity.

          Soon, nothing will be left standing – yet, I fear, even that wouldn’t satiate the marauders and plunderers of my land, for the greed of satan knows no bounds.

          What is there to stop them? Who can stop them?

          On Monday, God gently drew me to Him.

My help comes from the LORD,

the maker of heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to slip;

or your guardian to sleep.

Behold, the guardian of Israel

never slumbers nor sleeps.

The LORD is your guardian;

the LORD is your shade

at your right hand.

By day the sun will not strike you,

nor the moon by night.

The LORD will guard you from all evil;

He will guard your soul.

The LORD will guard your coming and going

both now and forever.   ~  Psalm 121: 2 – 8

 

          As peace slipped its covers over me, I looked up to heaven. Gently, ever so gently, someone tucked this last rose into my heart,

God will help it at the break of dawn.   ~   Psalm 46: 6

         At the break of dawn.

          When all seems lost.