Let the Mists Be


          The days have been very busy since my last post. As always, it was not a busyness I welcomed. It left me little space and time to quieten down and to listen up, despite all the signs calling for me to do just that. Still, there were sparse moments when it was possible to gaze into the distance and listen to the snatches of whispers borne in by the cold, shifting winds.




they called out as they sailed westward past me. Trust when all seems dark. Trust when hopes are long in coming true, went a line in an old prayer I had tacked to the softboard on the wall next to my college bunk bed decades ago. A prayer I had prayed each night, when I was on the cusp of joy but didn’t know it.

          Last year, freed from a prison the world had put me in, I learned yet another prayer of trust from the heart of a new saint,

I trust You

to be stronger than each storm within me.

I will trust in the darkness and know

that my times, even now, are in Your hand…   St Brendan

          Now, the earth beneath is shifting once more. Changes are afoot for many of us. In my studies, I am about to enter the research phase. Never a person easily at ease with strangers, I am naturally apprehensive. Changes might be coming to our workplace too. There are rumours that our second-in-charge might be transferred out. Largely disliked by many, what joy to be given this hope – except that the rumoured replacement is worse news. Nonetheless, for once, perhaps only briefly, I clearly perceive the futility of parting the mists to peer into what the future holds.




the winds call out once more.

           Indeed, sometimes that is all one can do, the only thing that is needed.

          Just as there are times for searching, for action, there will also be times to trust and let the mists be.

Your Times Are In My Hand



Help me to journey beyond the familiar

and into the unknown.

Give me the faith to leave old ways

and break fresh ground with You.

Christ of the mysteries, I trust You

to be stronger than each storm within me.

I will trust in the darkness and know

that my times, even now, are in Your hand.

Tune my spirit to the music of heaven,

and somehow, make my obedience count for You.   ~  St Brendan

          A day after the words, The end is nigh, a new world/life awaits you mysteriously appeared on my screen and then disappeared, I came across the above prayer from St Brendan, the monk’s words piercing my heart gently with its sweetness.

journey beyond the familiar

and into the unknown

          At the sight of those words, a tiny nightingale began to sing a strange, new song outside the door of my heart. Nonetheless, even as my heart harkened hesitantly to its melody, an invisible Hand withheld the lyrics from my understanding. No other word beyond this was given to me.

Give me the faith to leave old ways

and break fresh ground with You.

            In the days since, I have been listening in to the winds as they too sing an unknown hymn amongst the trees, the wind~wraithes turning over a secret among themselves. Is it to do with my job, I wonder? Is it time to leave for something better? And with that my heart goes two ways: one in tremulous glee of unknown joys ahead, while the other retreats into the shadows of familiarity, impossibly favouring unhappy folds long known, over the uncertainty of a new life elsewhere. What if I exchange hell for hell? After 23 years of being chained to unhappiness, I am fearful of leaving and starting over even if I long so much to find joy in my work in the few years I have left before I retire.

I will trust in the darkness

          A resolve comes to life within me. I will trust in the darkness of not knowing what lies ahead, if joy lives in wait there, whether in this place or somewhere else all new to me. The God I know got me through the past year; I know He can do anything He wills, move any rock or mountain in my way, level the most impossible of paths. It is in Him that I will place my trust, my lord of Miracles. Why even this past week, I have been seeing a version of myself which I haven’t before. Facing challenges better, making wiser decisions, still afraid and still given to bouts of worry, but much less so for both. If I dare say it – I am almost like an Easter version of who I once was! All because I’m trying my best to tuck my mountains into His heart and to hold His hand tight.

          What do I do as I await the signs to unfurl their truths in the skies of my spirit? I wonder and ponder as I scan the familiar path within my sight. In clear answer, the word from Heaven comes,

Tune your spirit to the notes of heaven,

And live out your days in obedience to Me,

For your times are truly, truly in My hand.

Lent 18 ~ He Will Give Strength


          As I was about to receive Holy Communion, our Lord told me that He would come Himself to imprint on my heart the mystical life which He leads in the Holy Eucharist, a life entirely hidden and annihilated in the eyes of men, a life of sacrifice and seeming inactivity. He added that He would Himself give me the strength to do what He required of me.   ~  St. Margaret Mary Alacoque

          Today comes this quote from a saint who has become my work and study companion. She comes just after I prayed for strength to make it through the mountains and deserts, the hills and the valleys, the ups and downs of life.

He will give me strength

          I ask this of heaven for all of us here, for those whom I love and hold in my heart, young and old. We all have our crosses and some days, they will weigh more than other days, perhaps asking more than we can give.

          May He Himself then come, and give us all the strength to do what He asks of us.

Lent 15 ~ Moor Your Boat


          March 18th has been a special day for many years now. This day brings to me a memory that says,

Let go, rest and let God lead.

          Over and over, each year, I learn that lesson anew. This is one special day when I remember that I am trying too hard, or that I am in places where the Lord has not called me to. This is the day when I learn yet again that I must let go, rest and let God take over.

          I learned that lesson once more today. Anxious over a meeting scheduled today, Padre Pio had come the previous day to remind me that worry takes me nowhere except out of God’s arms. Trying to lean against God’s heart was a little tough but my dearest friends here stepped in and prayed me to it. Like a fretting child comforted, I found the will to trust Him again.

And to let go.

          This morning, the meeting and all that transpired gently unfurled. I had the distinct feeling of being on the outside looking in, seeing with my own eyes how the angels smoothened the bumps and cleared the path in ways I never could have. I knew then the feeling that every beloved child knows well, the comforting knowledge that you are loved and that Someone is there to take care of you and to keep you safe from harm.

          I know it’s not always possible to have all our days look like this. Grief and sorrow, struggles and hardship, must all come in their time, for a life lived in God’s heart is a life of seasons. To move forward down the road He has carved out for us, we must meet each season as it comes, not run away from it, tucking into our hearts each lesson learned along the way.

          Today’s lesson was of trust.

          And of knowing there are places along the shores of life where we must moor our boats and rest from toil.

Lent 8 ~ Leave It With Him


And when night comes, and you look back over the day and see how fragmentary everything has been, and how much you planned that has gone undone, and all the reasons you have to be embarrassed and ashamed: just take everything exactly as it is, put it in God’s hands and leave it with Him.   St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

Lent 7 ~ Because You Loved Me


          In all your needs, trustfully have recourse to the divine Heart, and I am confident that our Lord will provide for your wants; but above all be very grateful for the many benefits He has bestowed on you.   ~  St. Margaret Mary Alacoque

          Yesterday’s court case was postponed. On another front, a very important meeting is to be held today to discuss a similar issue. I am not sure how that will go. But along comes my beloved St. Margaret Mary to give me the hope I need. And to gently cup my face and turn it towards the sun.

Be very grateful

          Since last year, this has come to me over and over. Be grateful, be grateful, be grateful. When others suffer, pray for them but above all, pray the prayer of lived gratefulness. For every loss you come to know, go beyond words, go home and embrace what you have been blessed with. Touch the wounds of others through your own gratitude.

Be very grateful

          What else have I not been grateful for? Today, I look over my life, seeking areas gratitude has not touched. Immediately it comes. The trials and tribulations. The sorrows and pain. The grief, the tears. Those terrible valleys where streams of wounding-s flow undeterred.

Be very grateful

          Where do I find the words for this gratitude, I wonder. How do I embrace in truth and sincerity this pain I never want again?

          Once more, barely have the thoughts formed when I see an image flash before me.

          Lean against the Heart of God.

          And I do. And immediately come the words for the gratitude,

You blessed me with those wounds

Because You loved me.

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