Lent 17 ~ A Single Wave


We must be continually upon our guard, for we are engaged in a perpetual war; unless we take care, the enemy will surprise us, when we are least aware of him. A ship sometimes passes safe through hurricanes and tempests, yet, if the pilot, even in a calm, has not a great care of it, a single wave, raised by a sudden gust, may sink her. It does not signify whether the enemy clambers in by the window, or whether all at once he shakes the foundation, if at last he destroys the house. In this life we sail, as it were, in an unknown sea. We meet with rocks, shelves, and sands; sometimes we are becalmed, and at other times we find ourselves tossed and buffeted by a storm. Thus we are never secure, never out of danger; and, if we fall asleep, are sure to perish.   ~   St. Syncletica


          Growing up with a mother who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I learned the lesson of a single deadly wave from early childhood. I lived and breathed in singular fear of someone so consumed by herself and her wants, because all it would take for my day to go from gold to black would be a single wave.

          But while I am no longer called to this fear, I am called to vigilance against the thieves of faith. I need to be vigilant with myself, with my family.

          And with all those who come to our gates. For the thief never announces his arrival nor his tools. He strikes at will.

          The eyes in my head can only do so much. The vigilance needed for the times we are in is different, far deeper than ever known. I cannot be sure that I have all the gates covered, I cannot be sure that I know the shape and form a thief may take. To possess confidence in my abilities to guard and detect danger – even while I proclaim otherwise – is to be surely struck down by that single wave because pride makes for a weak gate-lock.

          The calls to Adoration, to rest, that I have been hearing this Lent, are the bells that chime telling me to seek humility through the resting of my will – because it is humility that will make me seek the Supreme Guard of Gates – Jesus. It is humility that will allow me to let down my guard and let Jesus in. It is only humility that will allow me to allow Jesus to guard my gates.

          We have a most intelligent and experienced pilot at the helm of our vessel even Jesus Christ himself, who will conduct us safe into the haven of salvation if, by our supineness, we cause not our own perdition.   ~   St. Syncletica





  1. Oh my goodness Caitlynn. I must have been led here. I too have a narcissistic mother who has caused untold damage in my life and in the lives of others. She is a Malignant Narcissist who tried to abort me and who also made sure my own babies went from the wimb in the second year of my marriage. Shemis 92 now, and I am 69. I have had serious and advanced cancer from which I almost died, but God had plans for me. I am now tending to my mother who is very suck from emphysema. I am blind and wheelchair bound, and with other health issues from my cancer, but I offer up my sufferings for her. You are SO right in what you have written here. We have to be on guard. I know, from experience, that this is so. I pray and iffer up my syfferings for my mother to at least turn her face towards God before she dies. I am of coyrse Catholic too. So very glad to have found your Blog. Thankyou


    1. I cannot believe you are 69, Lorraine!! You sound like a young, lively and joyful person. For this to come through despite all you have faced and are going though even now – it is a powerful testimony of your faith life. You have a faith that is nourished by suffering.


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