When the Seas Wild

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Those pursuing the spiritual way must always keep the mind free from agitation in order that the intellect, as it discriminates among the thoughts that pass through the mind, may store in the treasuries of its memory those thoughts which are good and have been sent by God, while casting out those which are evil and come from the devil. When the sea is calm, fishermen can scan its depths and therefore hardly any creature moving in the water escapes their notice. But when the sea is disturbed by the winds, it hides beneath its turbid and agitated waves what it was happy to reveal when it was smiling and calm; and then the fishermen’s skill and cunning prove vain. The same thing happens with the contemplative power of the intellect, especially when it is unjust anger which disturbs the depths of the soul. ~ St. Diadochos of Photiki

         

          This was a week of struggling with spots of red anger, but yesterday, the ante was upped. My children told me of a hurt caused by a teacher, and it roused my anger against her. It was not the first time this woman had strayed into personal territory. The hurt this time was a culmination of thorns she had glibly sown in my heart, and last night, it was one thorn too many.

          I decided it was time to deal with her. To give her a memory she would never forget. So, I plotted. I planned the words.

          Then, I recalled the word: ECLIPSE.

          We had just passed one of the greatest events of our lifetime, the Total Solar Eclipse of the US. I had clearly been told by God that the actual event itself held no spiritual weight for me. But in the throes of flaming anger, when I put my rebelling heart at the feet of God, God bade me recall the word, ECLIPSE.

          Then, He stepped back. No comfort. No other word. No direction. Just ECLIPSE.

          I didn’t need to be told what to do because I knew what God wanted of me. I also knew He was not going to push me towards that decision. I had to go to it of my own accord.

          So, I left my mutinous heart hell bent on revenge, and dragged my resisting mind to ECLIPSE. Clumsily, I fashioned a prayer from ECLIPSE for my anger:

Grant me the grace to love this Cross. Give me a Love that eclipses all.

          My mind sought to follow the path of my heart’s desire to vent the anger that bubbled black from its wellsprings. So, it had to be lashed to the prayer because my mind had no interest whatsoever in the prayer. 

          Over and over, alone and woven through the Rosary,

Grant me the grace to love this Cross. Give me a Love that eclipses all.

          I awakened today to a gentle rain that softly pearled the morning air. As I rested my heart against the rain~diamonds that sequined the leaves and boughs, the skies’ tears gently flowed into my spirit. Quietly the streams slipped in and smoothed its silver cold over seas whipped wild by the trouble~winds.

          No trace of the night’s fires remained. I was clothed in calm.

          The trouble~winds sent back to their pits, I went before God. I realized I could now place wounds and wound-ers into His Wounds.

         Then, He spoke. Words for me. Words for my family.

          And I heard Him. I heard every still and little whisper.

 

 

 

 

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