LENT 38 ~ Not My Sword To Wield

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          Two days ago, my peace was attacked by someone who has caused me grievous pain before, and it sent me out of kilter for a time. I gazed back on the many miles I’ve come since escaping this darkness. I saw the healing and joy my husband, children and I have come to as a family since then, and I felt anger that this person had re-emerged to chain me up again.

          I decided enough was enough, and determined to put an end to this emotional and mental hegemony, once and for all.

          I had it all planned and was on the brink of carrying it out when these words came, borne of Light:

No action undertaken on your own, even though you put much effort into it, pleases Me.  ~ #Entry 659, St Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul.

          I was discomfited. Why would the Lord say such a thing to me? He, more than anyone else, knew exactly what my family and I endured for so many long, dark years. And we had been mired in that muck of a maelstrom because I failed to do what was right for my husband and children – I failed to put them first.

          Fear had come first.

          My beautiful family came a distant, inferior second – because I allowed fear to set the terms of life for us all.

          I didn’t deserve to be a mother and a wife if I allowed the past to become our present and future all over again.

          He countered me: 

It is in My Passion that you must seek light and strength. ~ #Entry 654, St Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul.

          It is in My Passion …..

          My anger slowed and stilled. At any other time, those words might not have seared as deeply, but to hear them at the beginning of the holiest of journeys, I knew I had been summoned to the presence of God. I was being shown that the road ahead no longer merely curved and crooked as it had before .

          It now forked. Into Life and Death.

          I was being called to decide where my tread would henceforth take me.

          All I wanted was to set right a wrong – protect my family as I never did before. Now, I was being asked to lay down my weapon as danger took another step closer.

Know, My daughter, that although I was raised to the dignity of Mother of God, seven swords of pain pierced My heart. Don’t do anything to defend yourself; bear everything with humility; God Himself will defend you. ~ #Entry 786, St Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul.

          My Heavenly Mother reached in and took the fight out of me. I put down my sword as bidden.

          It is not mine to hold and wield.

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